Jim’s job was to put the crunch in the new peanut butter, Jif. One machine chopped the peanuts into slivers, and another machine used pistons to plug the slivers into the creamy product. Jim also had to taste test peanut butter that had been sitting on a shelf for three months in 100 degree heat.… Continue reading Hold the Crunch
Category: humor
Dead Begonias and Other Stuff
It started with the dead begonia plant. Sis and I called our mother who lives with our younger sister ninety miles away. “How is your begonia doing?” Mom asked Sis. I looked over to the college-sized fridge. The begonia plant was gone. As Sis talked with Mom, I went down the hallway and asked the… Continue reading Dead Begonias and Other Stuff
The Contractor and the Jet Setter
It was Tom the contractor’s umpteenth date on Match.com. The woman was from the same affluent town, was the same height as he was (he was being optimistic and not counting the two inches he’d lost by aging), and was ready to meet him at Bridges, the hot spot downtown with the best happy hour. … Continue reading The Contractor and the Jet Setter
Tubs to Go
Now that my hot tub has been broken for months and my hamstrings are tight and my body hurts because I’m old and can no longer soak away the aches and pains, I told my sister today that I am going to invent a tiny little room with a soaking tub in it. People can… Continue reading Tubs to Go
Date with a Cad
Against her better judgment Svetlana met up with a man from Match and….drum roll….he met her expectations of the Cad. A cad is a man who is aware of the codes of conduct, which separate a gentleman from a ruffian, but finds himself unable to live up to them. Cads are capable of disguising themselves as good… Continue reading Date with a Cad
The White Album
(re-run) The last time I saw the Beatles cover band in the Santa Cruz mountains hippie town of Felton, I noticed that most of the crowd was coupled off, and most of the couples didn’t dance. They were too old, having been die-hard Beatles fans for fifty years. It was a shame. The floor is… Continue reading The White Album
A Good Dog Neighbor
(re-run) Yesterday my son and I had lunch together at the local sandwich shop. He brought his little dog — half Chihuahua, half terrier. I fed Violet scraps of lettuce under the table while we ate. She thinks she’s a vegetarian. Afterward, we followed the usual routine and came back to my house, where Violet… Continue reading A Good Dog Neighbor
First Date Red Flags
Okay, you said yes to the guy who asked you out two years ago and you turned him down. Now he has shown up at a dancing venue in Concord on the same day you wondered whatever happened to him. You see, he lives in San Francisco and you live in Suburbia. Then you agree… Continue reading First Date Red Flags
The Story of my Rescue Puppy, Pepper
I laughed out loud. I had joked about a getting a pit bull, and the universe had dropped two of them in my path.
Ants, No Kitchen, and Things that Make Me Grumpy
Now on week five of no kitchen, I discovered ants running around inside my microwave oven in my spare bedroom. I was so hungry for lunch at 3:15 in the afternoon that I decided to nuke them along with my chicken and carrots. I’d just left Bank of the West, my third attempt to get… Continue reading Ants, No Kitchen, and Things that Make Me Grumpy
