Now that my hot tub has been broken for months and my hamstrings are tight and my body hurts because I’m old and can no longer soak away the aches and pains, I told my sister today that I am going to invent a tiny little room with a soaking tub in it. People can rent it for that decade between “Nothing hurts that badly” and “I can’t climb out of the tub.” I am in that in-between decade right now.
This is how it would work. I’d have an 800 number and a jazzy commercial showing a sixty-something woman coming home from a night of dancing, saying to the camera, “If only I had a soaking tub for nights like this.”
Cut to corny music singing about Rent-a-Tub. “It’s simple! It’s easy! You simply put it by your back door for those times when you’d like to soak in a tub of hot water. It has four walls, a door, and a heater for the water and the room. It rents by the week, by the month, or by the year. There’s a special price if you commit to an entire decade, say 64 to 73. The Deluxe package includes two large fuzzy towels, a bathrobe, and a pair of slippers!”
It’s enviro-friendly. The water drains into a rain barrel so that you can water your plants with gray water. The old hippies will love it.
I’d start with a fleet of tubs to go that I would store on the farm that Rent-a-Tub would allow me to buy after the first year. I’d have courteous drivers that would set up the temporary room on wheels somewhere in the back yard. The driver would leave a bottle of bubble bath and a copy of the latest People magazine or the book, Fifty Shades of Grey. The client would sign on the dotted line, charge up the heater and attach a garden hose to the correct spot and voila! Two hours later, a hot bath would await.
No building permits needed, no bathroom remodels needed, just a tiny room with a soaking tub that won’t ruin your bank account.
“Don’t get soaked by our competitors! We are the original Tubs to Go. Call Rent-a-Tub and get this special TV offer for the first twenty-five callers. Your first month is free with a one year contract.”
If you’re not happy with Rent-a-Tub, you get your money back, and you can keep the bubble bath. It’s as easy as one–two–three.
- Call 1-800-Rent Tub (1-800-736-8882).
- Attach your garden hose.
- Wait for the heater to heat up your water.
Then soak away your cares, aches, and pains.
Not suitable for children, pregnant women, or NBA athletes taller than Steph Curry.
Get yours today! And enjoy the comforts of a soaking tub as long as you can still get into, and more importantly, out of one.
Grab bars included.
Ask for the original Rent-a-Tub and expect the best soak of your life!
Who’s with me?