When my new science teacher announced on the first day of 7th grade that no one would get an A in his class if they didn’t make an insect collection, I was like, “NOOOOOOOO! I hate bugs!” My mother hated bugs. Her mother hated bugs. They hated mice, snakes, and dog poop, too. I walked… Continue reading How my Bug Collection Changed a Generation
Category: worst
At Face Value
Freddy went onto Bumble to find a date. He waited until a woman messaged him (that’s how Bumble works). Her photo showed a good-looking blonde with a great smile. His photo showed a strong guy with a stylish beard, brown eyes, and an adorable face – his moneymaker. Freddy messaged her back right away. Samantha… Continue reading At Face Value
This Little Piggy
After college, I lived in a town with 2000 people and a bunch of pigs — real ones, the kind that grunt and poop and lift the gate latch with their noses. I saw something run past the window of my rented farmhouse. At first I thought it was a deer until I put on… Continue reading This Little Piggy
Dive Bar Dancing
I never imagined that I’d still be dancing in bars at this age. But hey, a girl’s got to dance, and in the winter the live music in in the bars. So here I sit, waiting for my girl friend, who is dumping her grumpy guy tonight to come dance with me. She’s got a… Continue reading Dive Bar Dancing
Best Dog, Worst Dog
She was under a rusted-out Ford pick-up truck that looked as though it had been parked there for decades. Her sister was an ugly black and white Australian blue heeler/Brittany spaniel mix. She wasn’t much prettier. “Are you sure you want that one?” my future husband asked. I looked at the black spot on top… Continue reading Best Dog, Worst Dog
Blind Date in a Castle
Lynne was studying abroad at a university in Sweden. One of her friends convinced her plus another young woman to be blind dates. His school was hosting a fancy dinner and ball at a castle in Stockholm. The Swedish school was inviting guys from Denmark and Norway for the event, and they needed dates. The… Continue reading Blind Date in a Castle
Mr. Huggable
His name on Plenty of Fish was Mr. Huggable. Her name was Charming Classic. She didn’t know yet that first dates are better as a coffee meet and greet, not a full-blown lunch. They agreed to meet at El Charro, a nice Mexican restaurant in Lafayette. It was set for 1:00 in the restaurant bar… Continue reading Mr. Huggable
Lady Doritos
PepsiCo, have you been paying attention? This is the year of #metoo, #timesup and the second year of the Women’s March. This is the worst time to be introducing girly snacks , when the whole point of the aforementioned movements is to treat women THE SAME as men are treated. Men don’t get raped (well,… Continue reading Lady Doritos
Asinine Aspenite
Pam was living in Aspen Colorado, being a ski bum by day and working as a waitress by night. It was her early twenties, and life was an adventure. She met a nice guy on the chairlift. He was a part-time construction worker and a part-time ski instructor. He asked her out that night, to… Continue reading Asinine Aspenite
Escape
Scott answered a personal ad in the Contra Costa Times for a woman looking for a date. People used to run personal ads in newspapers to acquire dates, the same way they advertised open houses and garage sales. This was long ago, before the internet and before online dating. An ad was a commercial, a… Continue reading Escape
FIRST DATE, WORST DATE EVER! 