(re-run) I had lunch with my adult child yesterday. We tried to figure out why I’d used up all my storage on my cell phone. He took a look, handed back my phone, and watched me put it in my pocket. “You need to hit the button on the side and turn off your screen,”… Continue reading Butt Dials and Other My-Bads
Category: humor
Letting Go
(re-run) My cars sit out every summer since there’s no way they can go into the garage. Fires are burning north of here and have been for weeks. The Bay Area air is smoky. I look at the blue plastic tubs of flammable clothing and think, “It would take days for all of this to… Continue reading Letting Go
Watch Out for the Green Pepper
(re-run) I can’t eat green pepper. I can’t eat a lot of things. The older I get, the more things I need a certain way to keep me happy. When I was four years into a past relationship, I knew it was in trouble when the boyfriend started adding green pepper to everything he served… Continue reading Watch Out for the Green Pepper
Cut Loose on a Saturday Afternoon
(re-run) “I like the way you dance,” he said that Saturday afternoon. Margo and I had gone to Vino Godfather, a cool little winery in an old Victorian house on Mare Island in Vallejo. The island used to be a naval base, judging from the abandoned barracks on the way to the winery. A good… Continue reading Cut Loose on a Saturday Afternoon
A Victoria’s Secret Box with Dinner
(re-run) Saundra met Duke online on Match. They agreed to meet at Scott’s Seafood restaurant in Walnut Creek for dinner. When she got there, he was already seated and waved her over. As she approached the table she noticed a dozen lavender roses in a vase. She remembered that Duke had asked her favorite color.… Continue reading A Victoria’s Secret Box with Dinner
Attention, Shoppers!
This morning I ran out to get the Sunday S.F.Chronicle, like I do every week. The sun was shining, the oranges woman was not at her corner (she’s at church, I’ll bet), and my favorite grocery store checker was on duty. I filled up my cart with everything on my list and turned down the… Continue reading Attention, Shoppers!
Nature’s Prayer Moment
(re-run) Yesterday morning I stepped up to the kitchen sink to fill the tea pot and looked out my window at the flowers exploding in my yard. I glanced over to the fountain where I saw dozens of identical birds taking drinks in a clumped up circle around the top of my round fountain. Their… Continue reading Nature’s Prayer Moment
Bad Things that Come in Small Packages
(re-run) They met online on okcupid. The horizontal happened fast. Things were going well, so after six months, Barry gave up his ugly apartment and bought a condo. She moved in right away. Then he started to notice her temper: 1. If the house wasn’t perfectly clean at all times. 2. If his son’s dog… Continue reading Bad Things that Come in Small Packages
Two Bird Baths, One Fountain
(re-run) I love my yard. When I first bought my fixer house on a fixer third acre, the yard was full of rocks and rose bushes. Now it has trees, plants, bushes, flag stone, one fountain and two bird baths. The fountain is an advertisement to creatures near and far to come into my fenced… Continue reading Two Bird Baths, One Fountain
It’s All About the Bacon
(re-run) I grew up in Iowa, and I’ve always loved a BLT, but now that I’m living in California, it has to be a BLTA, with avocado. Of my three kids, none of them eats pork anymore. One eats poultry and fish, one eats fish, and one is a true vegetarian. No vegans, though. They… Continue reading It’s All About the Bacon
FIRST DATE, WORST DATE EVER! 