(re-run) I was fifteen hundred miles away from home. It was the summer of 1975. I had my sample case with me from Southwestern Books. I’d worn my hot pants to stay cool. I had already rung three dozen doorbells. Selling books door to door wasn’t always a cake walk. It was lunchtime. I had… Continue reading My Past Life as a Cat Burglar
Category: worst
First Dog, Lost Dog
After moving to farm country to teach high school Spanish, I watched my roommate Kristy come home one day with a German Shephard puppy. “Meet Shane!” she said. She hadn’t asked me. She hadn’t asked the landlord. When she did ask him, his response was, “Not in the house.” Kristy made Shane a bed of… Continue reading First Dog, Lost Dog
Worst Roommate Ever
(re-run) By the time I graduated college, I’d had somewhere close to 37 roommates: the first two in the triple room my freshman year, the next two in another triple when I changed dorms after one quarter, my solo roommate all of sophomore year, then the string of roomies after I moved into the sorority… Continue reading Worst Roommate Ever
Marathon Man
(re-run) She had tried them all — Match, eharmony, Our Time, Chemistry, Zoosk, OkCupid, and CoffeeMeetsBagel. She’d had her share of weirdos and had learned to use a fake name, fake town, and a fake place of work. She had been stalked in the past. Now she knew how to do it and be safe.… Continue reading Marathon Man
Desperado
(re-run) Another first date during my time in Omaha, Nebraska, was with a tall, thin but attractive man who was a few years older and reminded me of James Taylor. Kevin took me to the standard dinner and a movie and then wanted to show me his house. It was a summer night, and after… Continue reading Desperado
At Face Value
(re-run) Mark was a good-looking bartender, full of confidence, at an upscale restaurant. He’d say his face was his moneymaker and that you need to use what your mama gave you. Mark went onto Bumble to find a date. He waited until a woman messaged him (that’s how Bumble works). Her photo showed a good-looking… Continue reading At Face Value
Mountain Lion
(re-run) A mountain lion attack was reported on the news last night. A 24-year-old woman’s dog saved her life in Trinity Forest in Northern California. The mountain lion attacked the woman first, but her Belgian Malinois shepherd named Eva jumped in and is now in serious condition. Cub season is now until October. The lion… Continue reading Mountain Lion
Buffalo Bill Meets Annie Oakley
(re-run) Aaron met Katie on Plenty of Fish. She didn’t message him back for months. For their first date, he took her duck hunting. She brought her own gun. He brought a boat and the friend who owned it. The trio didn’t’ talk much because they had to be quiet to get a duck. It… Continue reading Buffalo Bill Meets Annie Oakley
A Date with Jesus
(re-run) Gina was from a big Italian family, So was Vito; they were the same age. The families were good friends, and when they were both fifteen, Gina was in love with Vito. But they never dated, and once Gina left for Berkeley to go to school at Cal, she didn’t see Vito for several… Continue reading A Date with Jesus
Bad Things that Come in Small Packages
(re-run) They met online on okcupid. The horizontal happened fast. Things were going well, so after six months, Barry gave up his ugly apartment and bought a condo. She moved in right away. Then he started to notice her temper: 1. If the house wasn’t perfectly clean at all times. 2. If his son’s dog… Continue reading Bad Things that Come in Small Packages
FIRST DATE, WORST DATE EVER! 