I can’t eat green pepper. I can’t eat a lot of things. The older I get, the more things I need a certain way to keep me happy. When I was four years into a past relationship, I knew it was in trouble when the boyfriend started adding green pepper to everything he served me.… Continue reading Watch Out for the Green Pepper
Category: humor
It Started with a Whistle
Ray was a senior at Santa Clara University and RA for his house. Elise was a freshman that September and lived on the floor above. Ray and his buddy were out for a run when Elise and her roommate whistled at the guys in their running shorts. Ray introduced himself later that day, and the… Continue reading It Started with a Whistle
Phantom of the Halloween Party
Roberto put on his white mask and black cape and headed to WPLJ’s in Walnut Creek for his singles’ club annual Halloween party. Available middle-aged women milled around the bar in their skimpy alter-ego outfits. There were: Slutty witches Slutty fairy tale characters Slutty mermaids Slutty nurses and slutty vampires. Oh, which one to dance… Continue reading Phantom of the Halloween Party
The Red-tailed Hawk and the Toddler Fence
I am a bird lover. I feed the song birds and the finches. I have an ongoing water supply in the form of a fountain in my back yard. I’ve planted native plants for the hummingbirds. When I hike, I am thrilled to find a hawk feather to add to my hat. Twenty-odd years ago,… Continue reading The Red-tailed Hawk and the Toddler Fence
The Politics of Dating
(re-run) ****Dialogue on a first date between senior man and senior woman**** “You look nice.” “Sorry I am late.” “Let me tell you about my third wife.” “I have two dogs.” “I used to work on defense missiles.” “You must like to play video games.” “I like you.” “I am not a Republican, but I’ll… Continue reading The Politics of Dating
OCD and Me
I often dream about finding a public bathroom to use right before I wake up. It’s because I have to pee. Two nights ago I dreamed I was in a crowded restaurant and when I went into the bathroom, there were tables in there with groups of women seated around them. I stood at the… Continue reading OCD and Me
Don’t Judge a Book
Of all the pick-up lines I’ve ever heard, the best one came yesterday at the Walnut Creek Octoberfest. “Now those are some sensible shoes.” Yes, I had on one-inch black boots because I was dressed as a German beer garden maid, and they were the best shoes with white knee socks. “They’re good for dancing,”… Continue reading Don’t Judge a Book
The Benefits of a Hard Childhood
My childhood friend from Iowa called the other day. As we were comparing notes about our dysfunctional childhood households (hers with physical abuse, mine verbal), she mentioned the immigrant caravan at the border. “What are going to do about that?” she said. “Let in the women and children,” I said. “I’m not sure about the… Continue reading The Benefits of a Hard Childhood
Be Careful What You Wish For
(re-run) I’ve lived in my little house for seven years and four months. The neighborhood is about 48 years old, and the trees that are here are huge. My pie-shaped lot is wide and shallow in the back. Las Trampas Ridge is due west, beyond the freeway, but I could not see it because of… Continue reading Be Careful What You Wish For
A Funeral, an Appendix, and a Dead Concert
PK lived in Jersey when her friend’s mum was terminally ill in Boston. When her friend called to say her mother had died, PK woke up feeling bad but thought it was the heat. She wanted to go to the funeral and surprise her friend. She loaded up her three-year-old daughter and took off for… Continue reading A Funeral, an Appendix, and a Dead Concert
FIRST DATE, WORST DATE EVER! 