After moving to Omaha and teaching for a couple of years across the Missouri River in Council Bluffs, Iowa, I grew tired of driving a car that smelled like a mildewed basement. My poor Chevy Monza had suffered through a Nebraska flood back at the farmhouse, and the car stank. I couldn’t afford a new… Continue reading Waitresses Make the Best Tippers
Category: humor
Chick and Velvet
She was an architect from Huntsville, Alabama. He was a car salesman from Scottsboro, just forty-one miles away. He was kind of cute — medium height with sandy brown hair. His name was Chick, short for Charles. They’d met at a wedding because the groom was late (another story). After a fun night of dancing… Continue reading Chick and Velvet
Worst Weekend Getaway Ever
While student teaching in Venezuela, we learned how to have fun with not much money. One of the American teachers had stolen a couple of striped beach towels from an upscale hotel, and she had been sneaking into the hotel pool for years. “Just carry the towel and act like you belong,” Linda said. Christy… Continue reading Worst Weekend Getaway Ever
Rocky Mountain Low
He was the good-looking cousin of my best friend. Tall, tan, and bearded, with a killer smile, it was love at first sight. Marcus had moved from Minnesota to Colorado to be near his sister. He asked if I wanted to come out and go backpacking with him. I said yes but that my girlfriend… Continue reading Rocky Mountain Low
The Cat Lady
She seemed normal enough. James met her on the softball diamond — he was playing, shortstop, she played second base. It was a singles club event for Labor Day. He wasn’t an actual member but showed up on the holidays. Beth was sort of cute, her body pretty good for fifty plus. He was also… Continue reading The Cat Lady
Do the Hustle
Guido met Marsha at a famous bar called Rex and Eric’s in Waikiki. He lived locally. She was on vacation. He’d put on his five gold chains, unbuttoned his billowy polyester shirt with the big collar to reveal just enough chest hair, stepped into a pair of black high-waisted pants that hugged his tight butt,… Continue reading Do the Hustle
Leroy, the Farmer Boy
It was a Saturday night and the dorm floor was deserted. Everyone was off doing something fun. Ellie sat at her desk trying to study Biology 101, but she wasn’t feeling it. A dorm mate burst in and asked her if she wanted to go on a double date right then and there, to a… Continue reading Leroy, the Farmer Boy
Why So Many First Worsts
In scrounging around for a first-worst-date story this week (after all, I’ve already done my own dates from Ames, Omaha, and Walnut Creek – how many first-worsts can one person have?), I discovered something. I hate some of my friends, the ones who’ve never had a bad date, ever. First there is Jim, whom I… Continue reading Why So Many First Worsts
Worst “On Her Way to a Date”
She wanted to surprise him. They had both left Hawaii at different times to go home for Christmas and would meet up that night when he picked her up from the airport. He liked lingerie. She had bought a new thong for the holidays, red on one side, green on the other, with two tiny… Continue reading Worst “On Her Way to a Date”
Dance with Me, Young Jeremy
Each dance bar in Omaha ended the night with its signature song. One bar closed with Last Dance by Donna Summer, another used Shout from the Blues Brothers movie (by the Isley Brothers) as its sign-off song. But my fave dance bar closed with the song New York, New York. It seemed an odd choice… Continue reading Dance with Me, Young Jeremy
FIRST DATE, WORST DATE EVER! 