Bad Things that Come in Small Packages


They met online on okcupid. The horizontal happened fast. Things were going well, so after six months, Barry gave up his ugly apartment and bought a condo. She moved in right away.
Then he started to notice her temper:
1. If the house wasn’t perfectly clean at all times.
2. If his son’s dog had been over and had left dog hairs behind.
3. If she didn’t like the way he cooked a burger late at night because of the smell.
4. If he owned anything made out of plastic in the condo.
5. If he talked to another woman when they were out somewhere.
She made faces at him, she yelled, she slept in the bathtub. Barry got to the point where he didn’t want to go home. It had been almost two years since the day they met. He wanted out.
He went on a trip to Europe without her. Maybe she’ll get the hint. The yelling got worse.
“I’m broke because of you!” she screamed.
I saved you the cost of a European vacation.
“Where have you been?” she demanded.
Not here with the Scream Queen.
“Who have you been flirting with?” she said accusingly.
If I tell you, will you move out?
Barry finally grew a pair and asked her to leave. He was tired of being miserable and tired of walking on eggshells in his own place.
He’s back online, juggling multiple dates. He thinks he’s had over 100 coffee-date meet and greets over the years. Never again will he move in a small woman with a great big verbally abusive mouth.
Sometimes bad things come in teeny tiny packages.

Couldda Shouldda Wouldda
Barry should’ve dated a tall woman with a laid-back attitude and a cat.

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