Fluorescent Man at the Wine Festival


Today the town up one freeway (and over another freeway) had a wine festival.  My art friend was showing her work, so we agreed to meet for lunch when she was done.  A guy friend wanted to dance at 5:00 to the Spazmatics.

I got the dogs done early, visited my sis, and then headed over to Lafayette. I knew parking would be tough. As I pulled into the BART lot, I realized that this was the first time I’d ever come to the wine festival by myself.

I went around the parking lot once and then tried another aisle. I saw a woman walking back to her car, so I threw it into reverse and backed up to get her spot. Another car came up behind me. He had his turn signal on for the same spot. Fortunately another guy was headed to his car up ahead, so I gave up the spot the guy behind me wanted and took the other one.

I caught the shuttle bus that was stuck in traffic, and a guy jumped up to give me his seat. Wow! I guess I’m starting to look like an old lady.

When I got to the festival I found the porta potties first, then headed over to hear the tail end of a band called Three Day Weekend. I found Roy there, waiting for a dance. He is 82, but he can still swing.

Then I went to the restaurant called the Cooperage and put my name on the wait list, sat down, and waited for Ruth. We were seated about ten minutes later after she showed up, and they put us on the patio close to the music. After our Brown Derby salads we said our good-byes, Ruth heading home, and me heading over to hear the House Rockers band. I found a couple of guys I know there to dance with  — Philip, and El, plus Roy again.

When that band was done, I headed over to the Spazmatics to meet Tom. The Spazmatics play 90’s music, not my thing, plus Tom was doing his typical flirty flirty routine with other women. Sandra and I walked over to another stage to hear Other People’s Money, a surprisingly good band.

Sandra and I sat down, and before long we were entertained by the dancers. One guy in green fluorescent socks, sunglasses, and shirt was hamming it up with a woman who didn’t look too thrilled. He was tall and thin, not bad-looking, but kind of like a glowing Gumby doll.

I was in the front row, minding my own business, laughing with a woman stranger about Gumby Man when he came over and offered his hand to me.

I’ve never been one to turn down a man asking me to dance. Before I knew it, Fluorescent Man was grabbing me by the hips, and wrapping his sweaty arms around me. It wasn’t a slow song, but he sure wanted body on body contact.

As I was doing my best to keep him from pulling my clothes off right there in front of the crowd, he yelled into my ear-plugged ear, “I’m 65 years old, and I feel great! No meds, no problems, and I’m always horny!”

And drunk.

What does a gal say to a guy who tells her all of that?

“Well, lucky you!” I said.

When the song was over, Fluorescent Man thanked me for the dance, apologized for the gropes and said, “I like a curvy woman.”

A curvy woman? Where was he six months ago when I weighed a lot more than I do now?

Anyway, I was glad to get away from the green glowing man and sit back down. Fluorescent Man went off to attack yet another unsuspecting victim, and I had a nice convo with a married guy who wanted to chat about my dance with the groper. He filled me in on how the festival was the big fundraiser for the Chamber of Commerce. He clued me in that the guys in the band were dads of the some of the Acalanes High School kids.

I walked back to the Spazmatics band to get the rest of my stuff. I left twenty minutes early, but it’s okay.

I’ll be back tomorrow.

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