Worst FaceTime Ever

She met him on Plenty of Fish. Their first conversation was normal. Frank was articulate and spoke in complete sentences. They spent two hours on the phone.  Frank asked if they could meet the next morning since it was a Saturday.

Nancy already had plans, plus she wasn’t a morning person, so she postponed their meeting. She and her girlfriend were going to the Lafayette wine festival. That evening Frank sent a text. He wanted to FaceTime with her.

Nancy agreed. She put on her jammies, climbed into bed, and waited for Frank to connect.



“You look like you have on a pink top.”

“Yes, my p.j. top.”

“Could I see more of it?”

“Uh, no.”

“Here’s what I’m wearing,” Frank said.

Frank ran the phone up and down his body to show Nancy what he looked like.

Creepy. She noticed his gold chain around his neck.  Very Burt Reynolds of him. Ugh.

They chatted for a while.

“You have a long neck,” Frank said. “Do you like to be kissed on the neck?”

“Uh . . .”

Then the video started to shake.

“What is that motion?” Nancy asked.

“Nothing,” said Frank.

“The video is getting jerky,” Nancy said.

“It’s just my Ipad vibrating,” said Frank.

Nancy suddenly realized what he was doing.

“I have to go!” she said, throwing her phone down.

Was he? Did he?

Frank  called her. She didn’t pick up. He left a message.

“That was interesting and fun,” he said. “We got to see each other’s heads on pillows.”

She listened to the voicemail but didn’t respond.

Then Frank sent a text. You were nervous.

She texted back. I was uncomfortable.

Frank called again, but she didn’t pick up. He stopped texting her. She was glad about that.

Couldda Wouldda Shouldda

Nancy should’ve gone hiking with a hiking club and met a guy face to face. The online guys are sometimes creepy perverts.

Just sayin . . .





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