How does a sixty-year-old woman find out about an app called Grindr for gay guys? She asks her local millennial cocktail waitress at an upscale bar for a worst date story. Her waitress just happens to know her younger brother’s worst first story and tells it to her for a better tip. Here it is.
Jimmy went onto the Grindr app to find a date. He checked out Burt, and after several rounds of texts, Burt suggested they meet up in a park. From there they could walk over to Starbucks to talk for a meet and greet.
Jimmy took Uber to the park and saw an older guy in his mid-thirties. He recognized him from the dated photo Burt had posted on his profile.
Burt said hello and then changed the plan. He wanted to go to Taco Bell instead of the coffee place. After he ordered a meal, Burt turned to Jimmy and informed him that he had forgotten his wallet.
Jimmy paid and sat down to watch Burt eat. Then Burt suggested that Jimmy buy them a couple of hours at a local hotel.
“Why don’t we go to your place instead?” Jimmy asked.
“Oh, my mom will be home,” Burt said, “so that won’t work.”
Jimmy excused himself to the bathroom. He called his big sister, the waitress.
“Emmy, you’ve got to help me get away from this guy,” Jimmy said. “Call me in five minutes so I can say there’s an emergency. Then come get me!”
Jimmy went back to the table and tried to act surprised when his phone rang five minutes later.
“Sorry, it’s my sis,” Jimmy said. “She needs me to help with our dad. He’s sick.”
“Okay,” Burt said, finishing his tacos. “I’ll text you later.”
Jimmy didn’t want those texts, but they came anyway, mostly photos of Burt’s junk. The Millennials have a rhyming name for it that I can’t print here. My relatives in Iowa read my blog! But you get it.
Jimmy didn’t respond to Burt’s photos. The guy finally took the hint and stopped sending them.
Couldda Wouldda Shouldda
If Jimmy would’ve gone along with Burt’s idea for a hotel room, he would not have made the cut for this blog as a worst first date story.
Way to go, Jimmy!