He was cute enough. I’d seen him at several meet-up dancing events. Thor seemed interested. He texted me for several minutes one day, but I grew tired of his games. After telling in him I was probably older than he was, I asked him by text.
“How old are you?”
“Guess,” he said.
“You’re getting warmer.”
This is getting tedious.
I stopped responding to the texting game (it’s a terrible way to flirt, IMO).
A few weeks later, I was at my local Thursday-night summer-dance venue with the meet-up group when he made his next move.
“Are you mad at me?” he asked, pulling up a chair during the last hour of the band (they were on a break).
Had he just rolled in? I’d been too busy dancing to notice.
“No,” I said.
“How are the prospects tonight?” he asked.
“Is there anyone here worth dating?” he asked.
“I come here to dance,” I said.
“You mean you don’t want any of these guys?” he said. “But you’re so hot.”
Ewwwwww. When did you’re so hot get to be a thing? Maybe if I were thirty, I’d like hearing that. At sixty, not so much.
Great legs would be okay.
Love your hair would be okay.
Beautiful smile would be okay, and they’ve all worked for me as come-ons.
You’re so hot, no so much.
Then, out of the blue, while we were talking about housekeeping (why were we talking about that?), he said, “Why are all women such pigs?”
“I’m cold,” I said. “I’m going to go now. Bye, bye.”
The next time I saw Thor at a meet-up event, he had a hurt-puppy-dog look for me, as though he hadn’t a clue why I had walked out that night.
So I told him.
“Yeah, I said that,” Thor said. “So?”
So I will never go out with you, jack-ass, when you make such sweeping generalizations about women. So what if you look good in swim trunks? Shall I even say, hot?
It ain’t enough, buddy. Maybe if I were thirty . . .
Couldda Wouldda Shouldda
If I would’ve dated Thor, he would’ve discovered that no matter how hot I may have been, I would be a terrible housekeeper. I would have a sign in my retail shop that said, “Happy Children Grow Up in Messy Houses,” or something like that. I would also have a sign that said, “Boys Will Be Boys.” Guess which one would sell better?