Always Happens on her Couch

A widow who is my same age told about some of her bad dates, mostly with guys she’d met online. 

First there was Dirk.  After the initial date of cocktails, Dirk offered to come over to Vanessa’s place and barbecue for her. She was a grandma and had a new grandbaby to look after once a week in the city. The drive was difficult to the Mission district. Dirk asked her if she was familiar with BART, Bay Area Transit.

She was. A person couldn’t live in the Bay Area and not be. BART goes to dozens of cities through interconnected stations, with the hub being in Oakland. She said yes, she was familiar.

As she watched Dirk cook their dinner, he droned on and on, mansplaining it to her. She pointed out that she’d still have a ways to go from the Mission BART station, and that her son-in-law borrowed her car, anyway, while she watched her grandbaby.

“BART really is the best,” Dirk said.

“Could we please drop it and talk about something else?” Vanessa asked on her last date with that one.

Guy #2

A Match date agreed to go hiking on a first meet-up.  They met at the Lafayette Reservoir to hike the Rim Trail, which was lots of ups and downs, above the easier paved trail. Zeke showed up in tennis shoes with a glass jar of tea as his hydrating beverage.

“You might want to leave the glass container behind,” she said. “It gets pretty steep.”

“I’m fine,” he said.

Okay, she thought. I’m not your mommy. Where the heck are your hiking boots?

Almost two hours later, she had listened to the guy talk about being a widower, having a kid, the struggles of single parenting, yada yada yada. She’d watched the guy slip and fall on the Big Hill, Miraculously, he hadn’t spilled a drop of what was left of his tea. The guy droned on, never once asking a question for her to answer.

“That was great,” Zeke said. “How about let’s do it again?”

“Okay, I’ll go on a second date with you if you can tell me why I’m a single mom and the names of my kids.”

He couldn’t. He hadn’t asked her anything about herself.


“I need more give and take in a relationship,” she said. “So nice to meet you, but no thanks on the 2nd date.”

Guy # 3

After a coffee date, the second one was in Vanessa’s apartment over dinner.  Marvin had just read a book on Burning Man.

“I’ve been to Burning Man five times,” Vanessa said.

Marvin ignored her comment and kept talking about the book. Vanessa admits that mansplaining is a trigger for her. Still, he didn’t ask about her experiences at Burning Man, only talked about his vicarious experience through the pages of the book.

No third date.

Guy #4

Vanessa said on her profile that she didn’t want to date anyone with kids under 18. She’d been through that once, and it was enough.

Stu showed up at Pete’s Coffee and said he had twin boys, thirteen years old.

“Did you even read my profile?” she asked.  “I said no kids.”

“No, I just kept swiping right until I matched with someone.”

See you later, buddy!

Guy #5

Let’s call this guy Freddy. He had created an energy bar.  Thy hiked, had coffee afterward, and Freddy started talking smack about his ex.

“I’m not allowed to see my daughter.  My ex is crazy.  She got a restraining order against me.”

He’d been married twice. The first ex-wife was also crazy. She wouldn’t let him keep his gun in the house.

“Do you keep it locked up?” Vanessa asked.

“No, but I keep it in a place no one would find it.”

Vanessa was beginning to see why his exes were crazy (not). She doesn’t date guys who have guns that aren’t locked up (the guns, not the guys).

Hey, I need a good prisoner-as-a-boyfriend post.

But I digress.

The bottom line is that Vanessa wants a guy who not only takes his own shirt out of the dryer but takes out the whole load and folds it all. She wants a guy who doesn’t think about just himself. She’s a senior citizen and doesn’t have any time to waste on Freddy, Marvin, Stu, Zeke or Dirk.

P.S. I also write blogs posts from guys’ points of view if you don’t like this one.

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