The Grass is Always Greener

(re-run)

I had a meeting tonight with two girlfriends in solid hard-core relationships. One is married, the other is living with her guy. My relationship is with two roommates who fight a lot over squeaky toys and over who gets to go out the door first. They are roommates of the furry kind.

So imagine my curiosity when said girlfriends started complaining about the annoying things their partners do.

“He blows too many kisses (emojis) in his texts,” one said.

“Yeah,” the other said. “He calls me sweetie too much. I am getting tired of it.”

Puh-leaze! Can you hear yourselves, ladies? You are complaining about kisses and sweetie words. I have dog hair, poop in the yard, and a drooling problem.

“He goes off on tangents and never gets to the point,” one friend said.

“His texts are so long!” the other one said.

Texts too long? Goes off on tangents? Mine go off to my bedroom and eat my shoes. Or put their butt on my pillow.

“Mine uses too many exclamation points in his texts,” one said.

“Mine never gets to the punch line,” the other one said.

Exclamation points? Punchline? Mine shed black hairs or white hairs on everything. If I made punch, I am sure it would have dog hairs in it. So what’s the point?

“Mine uses too many emojis,” one said.

“Mine has too big of a family,” the other one said.

Too many emojis? Too big of a family? How about too many rats that they’ve shaken to death and left in the yard for me to find when I am pulling weeds?

I wonder if their guys love to go for walks or play ball as much as mine do.

I wonder if their guys growl to get their way or burrow under the covers with their butts right up against their roomie’s leg.

I wonder if their guys eat their food so fast they turn around and throw it back up and then re-eat it.

I wonder if their guys fight over who gets which recliner. I wonder what other horrible things their horrible partners do.

As you can see, I view my life through a life with dogs. I spend the day with them following me around until they get what they need: food, walk, treats.

Wait a minute! That sounds familiar. And mine rush me when I come in the front door. They won’t leave me alone until they’ve shown me how happy they are to see me.

I guess my roomies might be a little bit like their roomies after all.

And vice versa.