Mr. No Class


They met online through a singles website (not the swiping one).

Tom lived and worked in Napa. Carin lived less than an hour away in the San Francisco East Bay on a horse ranchette with her seven horses. She ran a small upscale hair salon.  After much texting and talking, they got together for dinner in a small town at the halfway mark.

Carin and Tom had a lively discussion over a hearty meal at a farm-to-fork restaurant and enjoyed each other’s company.They got along so well that the next week she invited him to a BBQ party in her sister’s huge back yard.

While Carin’s sister’s dogs were being walked nearby, Tom unzipped his fly and peed on a flowering azalea. There was an indoor bathroom available for use, and no, he was not drunk. Carin and the other partygoers were speechless.

What was he thinking?

“Well, I’m inspired,” he said.  “If Glenn, the dog, can do this, so can I’?”

If that weren’t bad enough, Tom had also brought nasty-tasting red wine to the party. He thought the wine tasted fine and said so.  Even Carin’s sister couldn’t believe the taste of it – she wasn’t picky at all, but she had a feeling that something was wrong with that bottle. Was it the taste of dead mushrooms on her tongue? Or was it the wine’s strong aroma of gym socks?

Carin’s wine-tasting expert friend had told her that when you smell gym socks in the wine, it means the wine is off; probably due to a loose cork or improper storage (like in a hot car).

Nobody could drink more than one taste. Carin didn’t know what to do except to be honest and say, “This wine does not taste right.” Tom was offended and left the party in a huff.

“I want the rest of my wine and those free shampoo and conditioner samples you promised me!” he said at the car door when Carin followed him out.

Really? That’s what you’re concerned about, buddy? Free shampoo?


Just because a guy lives in Napa and helps manage a major resort there does not mean he knows it’s appropriate to use the indoor plumbing during a BBQ party (not the bushes) or that he knows anything about transporting wine.

Carin should‘ve asked him beforehand if he knew how to use the big boy potty.

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