J is for Jeans

I have a child whose name starts with J. She told me not to write about her in my blog. Okay, Jaqueesha (not her real name).  I skipped the letter J when doing the April alphabet challenge because I couldn’t think of a post about a J word.

There are lots of words that start with J — Jesus, junk, jonquils, Japan, jesters, Jenga, juice, jeans, and Jehovah Witnesses. Of all of those words, I like jeans the best.

Recently a friend told me to stop wearing my jeans. My favorite pair is a tad too big for me this year. My weight goes up and down within a ten pound range, so my fat jeans are too big this spring.  I have tubs of thin jeans in my garage. I can’t call them skinny jeans because that means something else entirely.

So I copied my girlfriend and tried black leggings in place of my jeans. There were a couple of problems with that. 1. Jeans are warmer on a windy day.  2.  Black shows everything – pollen, dirt, food, etc.  Also, I don’t have a lot of long tops to wear over leggings, and I don’t wear skirts or dresses to dance in unless they are all cotton. Polyester gets too hot.

One guy friend who met me to dance asked me if I’d lost weight.  No, but my legs are getting skinnier (I don’t like that). The leggings accentuate how skinny they are.

So I am back to my blue jeans. I tried tightening my belt so they don’t get droopy butt ( I blame my cell phone in my back pocket).  My purse is too small for my phone since I don’t like weight on my neck (and cell phones are heavy in a purse).

Every time I see a younger woman with a purse the size of a suitcase on her shoulder, I want to stop her and say, “Don’t do that! Sure, it feels fine now, but wait thirty years, and you’ll have regrets.”

You have only one neck (the weak link in human anatomy) and one back in your lifetime. Keep that in mind, folks.

I feel the same way about moms with older-than-toddler children on their hips and kids with back packs that weigh as much as they do.

But I digress.

I have lots of pairs of jeans, and since I have a 34-inch inseam, I pick them up whenever I find them that long, unless they come with ready-made holes. I will NOT pay $69.00 for a pair of GAP jeans with six holes in them. Shouldn’t jeans with holes be cheaper, anyway? Less fabric and all that.

I usually end up in the same pair of jeans for outside dancing — straight legs, not too tight, faded and now developing their own free holes, thank you very much.  But saggy butt syndrome continues.

I met a guy in that pair of jeans. The next time I saw him (we planned it) I had on black leggings. This is what he said to me.

“I like you better in blue jeans.”

Touche.

Are you listening, Girlfriend who told me to stop wearing jeans?

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