Suzy met a musician online. Mel was nice, a little shorter than she, and had a ponytail. He was in four bands as a pianist and drummer. He lived in Berkeley, and she lived in Orinda.
They set up a meet and greet at the coffee shop. He tried to impress her with his noisy mouth beat-box concert, including air drums, right in the middle of Starbucks.
Do these other people know I am on a meet and greet?
Would they date this guy?
Suzy decided to give Mel the benefit of the doubt.
“Wow, that’s really impressive,” she said when the mouth music stopped.
Mel would call her up.
“Tell me about your day,” he’d say.
As an ER nurse, she had lots of stories.
“I had this one patient with congestive heart failure,” she’d start.
“Oh,” he interrupted. “My dad was a doctor, and this is what he would do in that situation — blah blah blah.”
She tried to ignore the things that bugged her.
Another time she was talking to him when he started scatting to her over the phone.
“Wow,” she said.
Mel was busy and therefore rigid about when he could see her.
“How about Wednesday between 1:30 and 3:30?” he’d say. “Oh, and you need to come to Berkeley. I don’t have time to come to you.”
He asked her out again. She said yes.
He didn’t have any kids. She had three. He’d never been married. She was both divorced and a widow.
“My compositions are my children,” he said about his music.
Your compositions have never puked on you at 2:00 a.m.
Mel needed constant affirmation that Suzy was on board with the relationship. It was getting tedious.
When he called, she was irritated and bothered. It finally dawned on her that she just wasn’t into him.
She cut him loose, and of course, he was disappointed.
Word of advice to all online daters out there- If you are over fifty-five, don’t beatbox your way through the meet and greet, even if you are in four bands.
Couldda Wouldda Shouldda
If Suzy would’ve kept dating Mel, she would’ve auditioned to sing in two of his bands, and they would have had a great time flirting on stage. She would enjoy putting on the stilettos, sequined tops and black leggings while performing, but in the end, it wouldn’t have been enough to keep her interested. Suzy would meet a few young groupies of the band, but even that would feel wrong to this sexy new grandma, who was just looking for a sweet and fun, age-appropriate guy.