Back in my Fat Pants Again


It sounds like a country western song.

“Well, my true love done left me.

He mosied ‘round the bend.

It makes me sad that I’m heading

back to my fat pants again!”

In the winter, when I can hide under many layers, I am thinnest. Maybe it’s all the no-calorie tea and hot water that I drink to stay warm.

Summer’s coming and ice cream tastes oh, so good. I need more calcium. My DEXA scan says so. Ice cream has calcium, right? It also has many calories per serving. It’s hard to tell a serving size when you eat it right out of the container with a big spoon.

My doctor had me do X-rays of my back. I also have to do blood work and save my pee for 24 hours.  After that, she will decide the best treatment for my osteoporosis (thinning of the bones). I take those gummies from Costco, but it’s not enough. My friend drinks lots of almond milk for calcium. I’m not a fan of it.

Meanwhile, my belt is on the last hole and my fat pants barely button.  These same pants needed the buckle on the third hole just six months ago.

I’ll try drinking more low-cal liquids and resist buying ice cream, even if it is three cartons for $10.00. I eat two cartons to my roomie’s one. And I was even out of town for two days.

All these years I’ve been writing children’s books when I should’ve been in Nashville turning out tunes for the country folk to record.

Instead of writing Geez Louise! I should’ve written, “Geez, Louise, I cut the breeze, and I’m so very sorry. I’m on my knees, forgive me please, I will not fart tomorry.”

I’m in a silly mood, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I got my duties done for the day (too hot to walk a dog), and now I can lounge around and try not to eat ice cream.

On my two-day trip, where it was a balmy 75 degrees yesterday instead of 99 degrees, I spent time pulling foxtail weeds and picking up pine cones. I also had fun thrifting and getting the dirt on what is happening around town. The local paper is full of good info, and I got two weeks’ worth by picking up an old paper on Thursday and a new paper on Friday. I watered everything well to make it last until the next trip.

Then I came home to the Bay Area and filled up empty bird baths, half-empty fountains, thirsty plants in pots and also in the ground.

On my way home, a singer guitar-player friend texted that she’d be singing tomorrow just blocks from my beach house. Dang it! I didn’t see the message until I pulled into the driveway. It went for 58 degrees to 89 degrees in 120 miles and two hours.

I don’t suppose it would’ve mattered to know sooner.  Tomorrow, I have a date with the Sun Kings Beatles Tribute band in Vallejo and have already bought the ticket. The temp is supposed to drop thirty degrees, good for outdoor dancing.

The care giver for my sis said to watch out for COVID. She knows I already had COVID.

I’m good until the next variant comes along.

I hope my dancing pants fit me!

Couldda Wouldda Didda

I’m on day two of a two-day liquid diet, includes the nasty prep drink that precedes a colonoscopy. Maybe my pants will fit again!

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