They’d met on Match. His name was Ready for Adventure. Larry chose a classy woman who turned out to be several weeks older than he was.
“How does it feel to be a cougar?” he teased her.
Julie liked nice things. She liked to dress up. She liked to stay home and cook. Larry talked more than she did. He liked to go out and sing karaoke.
Larry thought of Julie as the love of his life, but he realized after three months that Julie’s interest in him was waning.
Larry went back on Match and found a second woman to date, just in case. Normally he’d start off with a coffee date or dinner, but for some reason he asked Betty on a three-hour Bay cruise. He thought things went pretty well.
The next day Larry was on a date with Julie again, walking the beach at Half Moon Bay. Julie took that moment to tell Larry the problems she saw in their relationship.
“It’s not you, it’s me,” she said. “I don’t want to sing in bars.”
“Are you dumping me?” Larry asked.
“I think so,” Julie said.
Julie went off to walk along the waves.
Then Larry’s phone buzzed. It was Betty.
“The cruise yesterday was fun, but I don’t like the way you walked on the inside of the sidewalk,” she said. “Men are supposed to walk on the outside.”
“Okay,” Larry said.
“We are not a match,” Betty said. “Good-bye.”
One by land, two by sea. Or in Larry’s case, one by the beach, and one by cell phone. He had been double dumped in a matter of minutes.
“At least it wasn’t speed dating,” Larry said. “I could’ve been dumped by several women in one sitting!”
Couldda Wouldda Shouldda
If Larry would’ve given up karaoke to make Julie happy, he would’ve grown to resent her. He would gain fifty pounds from her good cooking, and she would leave him after five years. If Larry would’ve apologized to Betty about sidewalk walking, he would’ve found out that he would always be apologizing for something. But Betty wouldn’t have minded singing in bars, so she would have been the better, albeit grumpier, choice.