(re-run)
It wasn’t a typical 4th of July. I was getting divorced, and I had a boyfriend, although he was a conspiracy theorist. If you don’t believe me, you could just look at his wardrobe. He owned a collection of t-shirts that screamed, I am anti-government, anti-media, anti-logic of any kind. But he was cute, and he could dance.
I told him I’d be in front of my shop on the main drag, watching the parade with my three kids. Funny story – the town allowed people to put their chairs out at 6:00 p.m. on the 3rd. But my antique store closed at 5:00, I was too tired to wait around another hour, and I had to make dinner.
The morning of the 4th, I asked a woman if the whole ledge to the flower bed in front of my shop was taken. She began her rant at me:
“So you think you can just waltz in the day of the parade and get a spot? I’ve been sitting here since 8:00 this morning, so you can just go somewhere else to find a place to sit! Plan ahead next time, Lady!”
Did I mention that my town is competitive?
You can imagine her surprise when I climbed into the flower bed, took down the sign to my shop, and set out the four chairs where the sign used to be. I didn’t say a word to her. There was no need to explain myself to someone so hostile.
The kids showed up, and we chit-chatted until the parade started. Sometime during the parade, the boyfriend walked up in his t-shirt showing half of George Bush’s face and half of Barack Obama’s face. The words read, “worst president ever . . . until now.” A conspiracy theorist mistrusted all political parties, an equal opportunity hater.
I heard the beep of my phone. “Oh, I have a text!” I said.
It was from my oldest, seated in front of me, along with her sibs. Boyfriend and I were in the row behind them.
“I don’t like Jim’s political leanings,” the text said.
Wow. Me, neither, but again, cute and could dance.
In the end, those two things weren’t enough. The conspiracy stuff got thicker and thicker with each passing year. Eventually, I had to cut the cord. It was embarrassing when the one you love says the Holocaust was fake, that Sandy Hook was fake. An Alex Jones follower, Jim thought everything was being controlled by the Families 300.
There’s some truth to what he believed, but there was also a bunch of hokum (I’m from Iowa where people say hokum). The most convincing conspiracy thing was the video that Jim insisted I watch called Architects and Engineers for 9-11 Truth. It did ask many questions about why the two towers fell, why the floors below the airplanes didn’t remain. Why was Building 7 (which also fell) with the FBI offices practically empty on a Tuesday morning? Why did each building implode so neatly upon its foundation, as they do when explosives are detonated at the base during demolition?
Uh-oh. I’m starting to sound like someone I know, or knew. Someone who is still cute, and he can still dance.
And he’s probably still wearing ugly t-shirts.
FIRST DATE, WORST DATE EVER! 