My girlfriend and her husband went on safari in Kenya.
“You should do it!” she said. “It’s amazing! Just try it!”
I have to admit that her photos were amazing – lions, lionesses, giraffes, elephants, some taken at very close range. When I saw the leopard in the tree photo, I had to ask how close she had been to the wild animal.
“About 15 yards, “she said.
“Were you in a vehicle?” I asked.
“Yes, an open-air truck, which looks like an elephant to the wildlife as long as we stay inside and keep quiet.”
Actually, I think it was another friend who said the keep quiet part. You see, I have many retired friends who have been on safari in Africa.
I will never try it. I will never want to try it. That’s the thing about having OCD. Things that look like adventures to other people look like absolute torture to someone like us. We already have intrusive “what if” thoughts, so why would we subject ourselves to the what ifs of being in an open-air vehicle with an apex predator just yards away? We would not.
That judge on America’s Got Talent also has OCD, Howie Mandel. He talks about how horrible it can be to live with such negative thoughts, thoughts of worst-case scenarios that I have been living with all my life.
Now that I’m old, I can recognize the thoughts and tell myself, it’s just your OCD. Ignore it. But when you’re driving along Highway 1 in California, the Pacific Ocean hundreds of feet below, and you’re the passenger on the cliff side (going south) and your brain is showing you plunging to your certain death as your driver takes a curve too fast, it’s a nightmare. Everyone else enjoys the scenery. You are watching yourself die.
Or all your friends climb onto the roller coater ride when you’re a teen and you just won’t get on. They think you’re a chicken, but it’s your OCD showing you plunging to your death as the roller coaster comes off the rails at the top . . .
Or you’re on the Ferris wheel, stuck at the top and your friends start rocking the seat because they know you will hate that as you imagine yourself, that’s right, falling to your death. Do you see the theme here? It’s the theme of OCD.
Once I got out of college, I was able to pick my life with no roller coasters and only two rides down Highway 1, one shrouded in fog. That was the good ride. I couldn’t see the cliffs. The second time I was trying to save my marriage but the hubster didn’t understand OCD and saw me as uncooperative and a big weenie.
I am a weenie, but at least there’s a reason. I’ve taken anti-anxiety meds from time to time, but I don’t like the way they cloud my brain. I’d rather have the OCD and a clear head.
I was afraid of the tumbling unit in PE in 6th grade. What if I landed wrong and became paralyzed? Are you laughing yet? If you are, that means you don’t have it. I didn’t realize I had it until two of my three children showed signs of OCD.
Time to stop. Happy safari to everyone who wants to go. Howie and I, we’ll stay safe at home and enjoy the photos.
FIRST DATE, WORST DATE EVER! 