Richard’s Big Moment

(re-run) This one is PG-13.

Richard was always online, looking for the perfect woman.  He liked the way Jane looked, a blue-eyed blonde with curves in just the right places.

Since she lived on the peninsula and he lived in the East Bay, they met for dinner in Marin County at Alice’s Restaurant. During dinner conversation, they discovered that they had the same birthday. What were the chances?

Actually, 1 in 366.

After dinner, Richard walked Jane to her car. When she got there, she turned to look at him. The next thing Richard knew they were making out like two teenagers, except she was pushed up against a sensible sedan.

Richard thought Jane hadn’t been kissed like that in a long time. She was getting divorced and had a kid, about eight or nine. He didn’t really know much else about her.

On their fifth date, they went to a San Francisco beach and they smoked a little weed.

“You’re acting so weird,” Jane said.

Then she went to the public bathroom. When she came back, she said it again.

“You’re acting so weird.”

What had she done in the bathroom? Had she searched his name online to do a background check? He hoped not, since a guy with the same name had numerous speeding tickets down in Southern California.

Later that same day, Jane called to dump him. She filled in the blanks of her secretive life. She’d carried her baby during the pregnancy, but the partner she was divorcing was a woman.

Richard held it together. This was news to him that she was a lesbian, or bi-sexual.

“No, I’m not,” she said. “But when you and I made love, you hurt me. You’re so . . . big. I can’t do that anymore.”

Richard was confused. He knew he should feel bad about getting dumped, but what a compliment!

Then he realized that her last lover had been a woman . . .

Just for grins, Richard looked her up on Facebook not that long ago.  Jane was with a guy.

Hmmm, Richard thought.  He must not be as well endowed as me.

He’ll always have that compliment from Jane tucked away when he needs validation, well, for that department anyway.

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