FIRST DATE, WORST DATE EVER!

(re-run)

Bob’s friend had a dental office, so Bob would stop by to visit. Joy, the married dental hygienist, offered to fix him up with single clients getting their teeth cleaned. If the women were game for a blind date with Bob, he was game, too.  Joy would call Bob with the woman’s phone number. She was his own personal Cupid.

Bob loved first dates because he could meet a lot of women that way, buy them dinner, and then find out why they broke it off with the last guy. He would remember that info in case he ever needed it. You see, he didn’t like to break it off, but he now had secret info to find a way for the woman to break it off with him. If the last guy waited too long to call for a date, Bob would do the same if he’d lost interest.

If the guy before him was always late and Bob didn’t want to see the woman anymore, he’d be sure to be late. He was a sly one, that Bob.

Bob also had a sense of humor. He would often meet a woman at the restaurant so she could go home if she wanted to. 

“I’ll be the guy in the tan suit with a rose in my mouth,” he’d say.

Then he’d show up at the restaurant in a tan suit and a Safeway bag over his head. He’d cut eye and mouth holes, so that he could see, and so that he could clench the rose between his teeth. He could check out the woman and see her reaction to not being able to see his face.

The woman would see him and wonder WTF? But she’d usually let curiosity get the better of her, and she’d stay for dinner, even if Bob didn’t take off the bag until they had been seated at their table.

Another time, Bob told his friend’s employee, who had agreed over the phone to go on a blind date with him, that he was 4 feet, 11 inches and weighed 220 pounds and that he had no hair. The employee had been set up by her boss and felt obligated to see it through, no matter what Bob said he looked like.

Bob was raising his daughter solo, and he didn’t want her to have a step mom, so he casually dated for 14 years while she was a minor.

Then the dental hygienist asked Bob to go out for coffee.

“I don’t mess with married women,” Bob said.

“I’m not married anymore,” Joy replied.

Guess what? They dated for eight years and then got married when Bob’s daughter was out of college.

The moral of the story is, Be like Bob. Go on dates for fun, but don’t take them too seriously. When the right woman finally asks you out for coffee, say yes!

Bob showed up at the wedding in a tan suit with a rose clenched between his teeth, but no Safeway bag. He was done with his silly dating games, at last.