Mary met him on Match.com. Luke had dark hair and eyes and was pale but cute. He drove a Mustang, and Mary loved Mustangs. She was a bit older, but they were both deep into their twenties.
He was earning his PhD at Cal and was a teaching assistant, so that meant he was super smart. Since he lived in Berkeley, and she lived in San Francisco, they decided to meet in the city for their first date.
He suggested going for a walk. Oh, the guy likes to be active and healthy, she thought.
They met up on Ocean Beach. He was just as cute and pale as his photos.
They walked part of the Lands’ End walk. Two hours into the date, he suggested that they sit down to watch the sunset.
Mary thought, So far, so good. Sure, he’s cheap because he’s a grad student. It’s okay.
But then came the surprise. He leaned over and put his head on her shoulder.
Well, that’s weird.
Then he started purring like a cat.
Mary loves cats, but she’d never had a human one. She didn’t know what to do, so she let him purr away for almost three minutes.
He didn’t stop. He didn’t turn it into a joke; he just kept purring.
WTF? Does he want me to pet him? This is so inappropriate.
Mary shifted uncomfortably under his heavy, big-brained head.
That’s eight pounds of crazy right there. If he wants me to pet his tummy, that’s not happening.
If he starts kneading me, I am so out of here!
Then Mary thought up a way to get out of the situation.
“Uh, I don’t feel too well,” she said. “I might be getting sick.”
“Let me drive you home,” he said, snapping out of his feline mind and acting human again.
Mary said she’d rather drive herself home.
He never contacted her again. She was so okay with that.
If Mary wants any kitten contact, she gets it from her furry four-legged felines at home.
As for the grad student, maybe he was getting his PhD in oxidative stress and dysregulated mitophagy as it relates to chronic kidney disease in felines.
That’s a real thing. Mary knows because she Googled it.