I was buying wood glue, potting soil and spray paint primer. The clerk asked how it was going and I said fine. I asked him how it was going for him, and he said he was over it, a weird response.
Then I flipped over my bag of potting soil which had landed upside down on the cart.
“Gravity,” I said. “That’s how I got the potting soil. I let it fall into the cart.”
“I’m kind of over gravity,” he said.
“I like it,” I said. “It keeps me stuck to the earth.”
“I’m over that, too,” he said,
“Meaning that you’re ready to go?” I asked.
“Into space,” he said. “I want to go into space.”
“But I like it here on Earth where I can breathe.”
Remember, we are in a hardware store, and he is ringing up my items as we are talking. The guy is my age or older. He has long white hair. He usually wears a hat, but not today. He also dons a mask frequently, but not today.
“Breathing is overrated,” he said.
“Well, it’s better than the alternative,” I said.
“How do you know that?” he asked.
“True,” I said. “No one really knows, do they?”
“Where do you fall on the scale between life after death and no life after death?” he asked.
From there we discussed religion, scientists, my mother’s death, and the Pope. You heard me right. The guy in line behind me was Catholic, and he’d been listening in.
“I guess you’re glad about the new pope,” I said. “Sorry to hold you up.”
“Hey, I married a good Catholic girl,” he said. ” And I’m interested in your conversation.”
Meaning what? That he himself was not Catholic? His mother had also passed away just three weeks before. My mom passed away a few weeks before that.
It was all too much for me. I wanted to buy my stuff and go home to eat lunch before I
A) potted some plants,
B) painted an outdoor table,
C) glued on a loose table leg.
Now, hours later, I see the exchange for what it was, highly engaging, not your run of the mill polite hardware conversation.
Shopping at Ace in my beach town is way more entertaining than shopping at Ace in San Ramon. The prices are also cheaper in my beach town.
And the clerk — well, he is a philosopher in a red vest.
FIRST DATE, WORST DATE EVER! 