Best Tomato-planting Advice Ever

One morning, at a local garage sale, I stumbled upon the Alamo Garden Club selling plants in one of the member’s driveways. I picked up five tomato plants since the price was right.

“Do you know how to plant them?” the man seated next to the cashier asked.

“Yes,” I said. “I grow them every year.”

“Let me tell you the best way,” he said.

I glanced at my watch. This was peak garage sale time since it was still early.

“First you dig a hole and put the plant in it. Make sure the bottom leaf is two inches above the dirt.”

“Okay,” I said, tapping my foot impatiently.

“Then you add in some Calmenahr.”

“Excuse me?”

“Calmenahr. You want to add that in the hole.”

I’d had my morning coffee. I am a morning person. But I wasn’t understanding his advice.

“Okay, could you spell that?”

“Calmenahr! You know, Calmenahr!”

It dawned on me at last, that he wanted me to add cow manure.

I started laughing. Soon everyone was laughing. The guy was from the South. I was from the Midwest. We met on an early morning in California. He taught me the proper way to plant a tomato.

Everyone was smiling by the time I climbed back into my car.

It’s been twenty years, and I still love that story.

Couldda Wouldda Didda

I planted those tomato plants, and they grew just fine, with or without Calmenahr.

 

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