Spinning a Spider Story


My strength and toning instructor loves to tell us trivia while we work out. Last week she said spiders are the most active between 6 and 8 p.m. and that the female spiders go out looking for food at that time. The males follow.

Isn’t that just like a male anyway, to wait until we’ve rustled up dinner to show up at our doorstep or spider-web step?

I have some questions about this research.  Was there a web of scientists around the globe watching spiders 24/7? Did they make a webcast about it? Did they hold a webinar? I am having fun with spider jokes to the eighth degree.

Does Daylight Savings play into this at all?

And mostly, how do the spiders read their tiny little wristwatches with all those eyes?  Or are they called leg watches?

How does a person tell a female spider from a male spider? Does the female have a better wardrobe? A more feminine web?  Why is a spider woman costume all black and covered in netting while Spider Man gets to don a tight-fitting spandex suit of primary colors and hang upside-down?

It must be the Halloween stuff in all the stores now that has gotten my panties in a bunch.  Don’t even get me started on the Christmas trees at Costco. Summer just ended two days ago!  Slow down, merchants! One holiday at a time.

I bought a spider woman dress at a thrift store in Carmel. But black really isn’t my color. I might be Carmen Miranda for Halloween if I can figure out my fruity headgear. I also have a chef costume and a motorcycle mama get-up. So many costumes, so few party opportunities. The big party is the same night as my chorus rehearsal. Do I skip singing about Jesus and Hanukkah to hoochy-coochy my way into the role of a Brazilian movie star?

Or do I miss the big costume party and go to my rehearsal?  Do I skip everything and act my age instead?

Naw, that’s not going to happen.

Did all this come bubbling up today because as I was cleaning up a sticky spider web stretched between my tile table and the outdoor chair? I saw a huge Black Widow spider run up the stucco wall of my house. And now there’s another spider mocking me against the crown molding in my kitchen as I pound out this post.

I’m pretty sure the Black Widow is a female and the mocking kitchen one is, too. Females can be so judge-y sometimes.

It’s amazing how a stream of consciousness piece can cover so much ground and say so little.

Spiders can be beautiful. As long as they aren’t crawling up my arm or falling into my hair.  They eat insects. They are our friends. I’ll just keep repeating this until I hear some more trivia about something less creepy-crawly.


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