Holiday Heartache

As I sit here on a Sunday afternoon, I have fluffy white “Iowa” clouds (cumulus) out the windows across the back of my house. I used to look into a wall, but that baby is gone, and now I have nature.

This month has been so full already, three chorus concerts with one more to go in two hours, two parties done, two more to come,  a successful drive for the homeless, a less successful drive at getting my house cleaned for the holidays.  I reflect on how hard this time of year is for so many.

Fathers with estranged daughters.

Mothers with estranged sons.

Stroke victims with limited mobility.

Divorced people.

Widows and widowers.

Anyone who has lost a family member.

Anyone remembering any kind of loss.

Yes, we should sing and celebrate and be merry, but sometimes we cry, remembering how things used to be and are no more — the large gatherings when I was growing up, the time with cousins, and grandparents and parents now deceased.

All I can say is this, if you do something for others, it will come back to you in a big way. I can get into my own Christmas funk, but I have learned how to get out of it.

So what if I haven no family on Christmas?  I can:

Go hiking.

Clean closets.

Work on my writing.

Binge-watch anything.

As I told my mother and younger sister last night, I don’t control when I see my children. They give me what they give me, and I have to make it work. It is painful to have to demand that they give me time at the holidays. None of them is a parent yet, so maybe that’s why. they don’t understand. Dad’s house is bigger with more bedrooms. They set up camp over there, and I have to fight to see my out-o-town daughters.

There is much resentment in the family regarding the divorce. No one understands it if they haven’t been in an empty marriage.  It’s better to live alone than with someone who ignores you. Divorce is the worst around the holidays. Not only do I have to share time with the ex, now we are juggling family events around our children’s significant others’ families, too.

But I digress.

On with the singing, the parties, the wrapping, cleaning, and decorating!

And the Christmas cards with the silly annual poem.

The month is half over. I don’t even mind Christmas carols everywhere I go now or the cheesy songs in aerobics class with the instructors dressed up in their holiday garb.  Where has the time gone?

It will soon be 2020, and I will have my Medicare birthday! Never did I dream of the world the way it is right now, but that’s another blog post for another day.

Right now I must get in the mood to stand on the risers for two hours and sing my little heart out, all that without fainting.

That reminds me. I need to go drink some water.

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