The Conflict Within

I am usually quick at decisions, and I am happy with them. No, I will not jump out of an airplane. No, I will not go on that upside-down roller coaster. Yes, I will dance with you. Yes, I will come to your party.
Every now and then I get myself stuck between the little negative guy on one shoulder (or is it a gal?) and the positive guy/gal on the other shoulder. For the sake of this story, let’s call them gender neutral positive (GNP) and gender neutral negative (GNN).
GNP – Okay, tonight is the last audition to sing with the symphony with the small chorus.
GNN – Forget it. She is only picking 50 out of the 130 chorus members. That’s only a 38% chance you’ll get in.
GNP – C’mon, you’re not getting any younger. This could be your ONLY chance to perform with a symphony.
GNN — You don’t breathe right, so she will never pick you.
GNP – C’mon, she always needs tenors, and the jazz people say you are a good blender.
GNN – You stink, and your hair is dirty.
GNP – Take a shower!
GNN – If you take a shower, you know you will feel relaxed and you will never go.
GNP – Don’t take a shower. Just change your clothes.
GNN – Your make-up is shiny. Stay home.
GNP – Wash your face and go.
GNN –You’re not going to get it.
GNP – Shut up and go!
It was a battle right up to 6:30. The auditions started at 7:00.
I have been fighting this conflict for years. Too much traffic, too far away, same old faces, nothing to wear, not in the mood, too tired, my back hurts.
When I shut out the gender neutral negative voice, I go. Nine times out of ten, I am happy that I went, did it, saw it through.
The one time I am not happy that I went, I tell the GN Negative that he/she/it was right. But the other nine times, I tell the GNP that she/he/it was right. The GN Positive is bigger now and more powerful because of that.

Couldda Wouldda Didda
I went to the audition, and even though I am not the loudest singer or the best breather, I squeaked into tenor slot #5. Take that, GNN! You need to keep your opinion out of my decisions.

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